Ryan Braun OF Milwaukee Brewers

Ryan "The Hebrew Hammer" Braun just got locked up by the Milwaukee Brewers until the 2020 season, which will keep him around until he is roughly 37 years old.

The three time All-Star starter and winner of the 2007 NL Rookie of the Year award signed a deal that is reportedly worth $105 million that extends the deal another 5 seasons at roughly $21 million/year. The deal puts him up there near the top of the list for highest paid outfielders.

That's a lot of drinking money.

Coco Crisp CF Oakland A's

31 year old Oakland Athletics CF Coco Crisp, who has also played for the Cleveland Indians, Boston Redsox, and Kansas City Royals, was celebrating spring training a little too hard when he got arrested for suspicion of DUI. He becomes the third MLB player arrested for DUI since spring training started.

Driving his Rolles Royce, he was pulled over for failing to maintain his lane of traffic. He took sobriety tests, which he obviously failed, and was arrested with no further incidents.

The Oakland A's released the following statement regarding the situation:

"Coco Crisp was arrested and detained early this morning under the suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol. He was released from the city of Scottsdale jail this morning and arrived at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on time for team pregame drills. The A's are aware of the situation and take such matters seriously. The team and Coco will have no further comment until further details are available."

Austin Kearns OF Cleveland Indians

Way back on February the 12th Austin Kearns, the former member of the New York Yankees, Cincinnati Reds, Washington Nationals, and current Cleveland Indians was arrested for DUI. He was followed by a cop who saw him flashing his headlights and weaving through traffic, and when pulled over he admitted to drinking "a couple" of bourbon and cokes. He refused to take a field sobriety tests and asked the officers to cut him a break. However they didn't and he was cuffed and booked. Then, not on top of things, he didn't tell the Indians about the arrest, however he will be addressing it soon.

Miguel Cabrera 1B Detroit Tigers

First baseman Miguel Cabrera is a 5 time All Star in 8 years with the Florida Marlins and the Detroit Tigers. Also well known is the fact that he is a hall of fame drinker.

In October of 2009 he was arrested after an argument with his wife after a night of drinking. He was picked up from the police station at 7:30 AM after blowing a .26 which was tested at the police station. He played in a game later that day and went 0-4 a strikeout and 6 players left on base. Not bad for a guy with a raging hangover. It would have been better if he vomited on home plate. Following that arrest -- he spent 3 months in an alcohol rehab center in January of 2010. He stated at that time he had not taken a drink of alcohol since his October, 2009 arrest.

So much for that.

Last night at around 11:00 PM he was on the side of the road and his vehicle was smoking from the engine. Police said he was slurring his words heavily, had blood shot eyes, smelled like alcohol, and that he was acting combative, cocky, argumentative, and belligerent. He repeated to the officer “Do you know who I am, you don’t know anything about my problems.” and then just like out of a comedy film, he picked up a bottle James Buchanan Scotch Whiskey and started swigging straight from the bottle.

He was placed in handcuffs and when asked to get into the patrol car, he "used an expletive". After not listening to several commands, he pushed off the vehicle into the officer, and then the officer used 3-4 knee strikes into Cabrera's thigh which made him fall into the vehicle. He refused to take a breathalyzer later.

Making $20,000,000 this year at age 28, this is not the kind of start to the season he probably expected. He doesn't look to upset in his mugshot though.

Update: Video and Pictures released from his DUI arrest HERE. 

Adrian Nieto, Hector Taveras C Washington Nationals

Hector Taveras, a Washington Nationals minor league catcher has been suspended for 25 games for unauthorized possession of a syringe. Most of the suspensions for steroid use is 50 games for testing positive, however the league must have lowered the suspension due to the fact that he never tested positive for the drug, only possessing something to put the drug in him.

Also, previously unknown, Nationals catcher Adrian Nieto was suspended 50 games for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs last week. Sounds like we might know where the syringe came from.

Jonathan Papelbon CL Boston Red Sox

Jonathan Papelbon is seen here drinking court side at an NBA game. Papelbon is a 4 time All Star for the Boston Red Sox, with 422 strike outs and 188 saves as a closer. He is the first pitcher in history to record 30 saves in each of his first 5 years of MLB service, however, 25 his first 5 seasons would have held that record also so he went above and beyond what was needed. The Red Sox closer position has been given to Daniel Bard and he will be a free agent soon, or could possibly be traded.

[Photo -- again -- from Andy Gray's SI Vault]

Earl Weaver Manager Baltimore Orioles

Here is Earl Weaver, a Hall of Fame manager for the Baltimore Orioles, and Dan Stanhouse a 1 time all star who pitched for 10 years int he league drinking in the Orioles locker room. Stanhouse allegedly had a reputation for walking batters he did not want to face, which enraged Weaver and made him change smoke cigarettes and gave him the nick name "FullPack" for the amount of cigarettes he would smoke while watching him pitch. Weaver was inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame in 1996, probably with the best statistic -- 97 ejections -- under his plaque.

[Photo from Andy Gray's SI Vault]

Brian Cashman GM New York Yankees

From BuzzFeed comes New York Yankees General Manager and Senior Vice President Brian Cashman bartending and drinking at a local charity event. During his tenure which began as an intern in 1986, he has won 4 World Series Championships. Also on Drunk Athlete.

Adam Kennedy IF Seattle Mariners

Adam Kennedy, utility infielder extraordinaire, was arrested on suspicion of a DUI. Kennedy, who signed a minimum contract with the Seattle Mariners this month, was arrested at 9pm while driving down the highway. That's right, 9pm. Party hard. Kennedy was a part of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the District of Calfornia's (or something like that, we will just go with L.A. Angels of Anaheim) 2002 World Series Championship team. In game 5 of the 2002 series, Kennedy hit three home runs, something only four other players had done in a post season game before. Kennedy's career slowly started to disappear after that series as his offense turned absolutely T-R-B-L. The only other highlight of Kennedy's career was during a bench-clearing brawl in which he punched pitcher Scott Feldman in the armpit.

Poor guy, if the last three teams I played for were the Oakland Athletics, Washington Nationals, and the Seattle Mariners(he has to pass try-outs first though!), I'd probably live life with reckless abandon too.

Ozzie Canseco OF/DH Ex-Oakland Athletics

Ozzie Canseco, twin brother of the steroided up nut job that is Jose Canseco, has found himself behind bars on charges of DUI. This Canseco, not known for the power hitting of his brother Jose, never hit a major league home run, and as a fact only hit .200 with 13 hits and 4 RBI's. He now almost has as many arrests as RBI's. In 2002 him and his brother went tourist beating in California and left a man with a broken nose and another needing 20 stitches on his lips. For that he was sentenced to 18 months of probation and 200 hours of community service.

In 2003 he was pulled over for having too tinted of windows and was arrested for driving without a license as well as possessing an illegal anabolic steroid. In his car was a syringe and the steroid Nandrolone. He was sentenced to 4 months in jail following that arrest.

Delino DeShields Jr. 2B Houston Astros

Delino DeShields Jr., a Houston Astros draft pick and infield prospect was arrested on charges of DUI and minor possession of alcohol. The 18 year old was a first round draft pick in the 2010 MLB draft by the Astros and signed a franchise record for a rookie signing bonus -- 2.5 million dollars. He was arrested at about 1 AM and was also charged with going the wrong way down a one way. The outfielder has moved to 2nd base and is still a few years away from being in the major leagues.

Carl Crawford OF Boston Redsox

Carl Crawford is an outfielder who played for the Tampa Bay Rays his entire career up until now, where he signed a 7 year 142 million dollar contract to play for the Boston Red Sox. The 4 time All Star also tied the record for most stolen bases in a single game at 6 against his new team, and has AL in stolen bases 4 years. The other team closest to contention was the Angels, but lets be honest, of course the Yankees or the Red Sox were going to get him. It was only a matter of time.

Brett Lawrie 2B Toronto Blue Jays

Brett Lawrie is a 20 year old former #16 overall choice in the MLB draft by the Milwaukee Brewers, who traded him recently to the Toronto Blue Jays for pitcher Shaun Marcum. At the time, Lawrie was considered the Brewers #1 prospect on the roster. These pictures were sent to Miller Park Drunk where he posted them and rightfully insulted him as being a 'tool'. Lawrie is only 20 years old, so it's probably good he got sent back to Canada where, you know, its legal to drink at that age.

Carlos Marmol P Chicago Cubs

They may be heavyweights of the gridirons, squared circles, cornfields in Iowa and the like, but they are human, much like us. The Chicago Cubs baffling closer Carlos Marmol is no exception. Hailing from the Dominican Republic, Marmol took part in much suki suki as well as yuki yuki before the Cubs realized he was useless as a catcher and turned him into a pitcher. Seems like they made the right choice.

While opposing hitters have had troubles picking up Marmol's nasty slider that curves more than Adriana Lima's physique (I know, right?!) and his mid 90's fastball, it is clear in this picture that Mr. Marmol obviously is having troubles picking up on how you should dress when you're trying to pick up some 'tang.

Despite the fact that his shirt appears to be uncomfortably tucked into his jockstrap, Marmol is so much of a boss that he set a new MLB record averaging just under 16 k/9. That's right he was dropping hitters at a faster pace than Kimbo Slice drops backyard hooligans. He failed as a starter, they made him a reliever, and he has relished ever since. If you were to form a championship dodgeball team, this guy...THIS GUY should be the top pick. Watch him pitch and count how many times he can make a grown man shit his pants and buckle his knees. It's actually quite disgusting.